Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
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i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
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We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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