I'll bet she douches with gravy.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
