There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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