So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
