Can Purell be used as lube?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
