I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
