sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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