someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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