I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I smell like Dick and happiness
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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