Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
