my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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