I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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