He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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