i permit you to call me
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
