I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
