Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
