I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
