He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
