Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
