I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
