Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
