I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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