I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
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my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
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I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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