my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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