the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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