Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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