Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
