i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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