i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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