Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
