Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
