i wish starbucks made bloody marys
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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