I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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