i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
