Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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