btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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