Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
