I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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