U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I have tasted many bathrooms
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
