Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
