I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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