was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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