So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
