1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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