Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
