So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
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