just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
