Don't you send me to vm
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
