I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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