i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
