dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The uberlube is also flammable
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
