it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
