Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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