I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
