I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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