His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
