I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
