I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
