Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
