I could have mohawked her pubes.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
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We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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