Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
