Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
