I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
