i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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