Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
