Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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