OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
