the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
